4.06.2011

Woeful Wednesday With Olivia ...

Greetings, all ...

It's me, Olivia.  And I'll be honest - I'm extremely upset!  Disgruntled.  Miffed.  And just plain hissed off. 

Why, you ask?  Well, let me share this conversation with you that Mom & I had on Monday night:

"Hey, Mom?"

"Yes?"

"You know, I was looking at the calendar today, and April 1st was Friday.  Doesn't that mean you forgot my birthday?"

(At this point, Mom is looking distinctly nervous and uncomfortable.)  "Um, no, sweetie.  I didn't forget.  It was an April Fool's joke.  Didn't you think it was funny?"

"As a matter of fact, no, I didn't. Did you think it was funny the time I puked in your slipper?  Well, same thing.  I realize I don't wear slippers, but if I did, for all intents and purposes you would have puked in them. "

"You're right, I'm really sorry.  I have no excuse.  How can I make it up to you?"

"That's better.  Well, I've been keeping a running list, but for starters, I'd like you to find another place for Tanner & Finn to live.  I know you say they're my brothers, but we sure don't look anything alike, and even though sometimes they're ok, on the whole I think I'd be happier if they lived somewhere else and we visited them occasionally - like maybe once every nine lives or so." 

"I can appreciate that they like to play more roughly than you do, but they're pretty good kids, and even if they weren't, you don't send your family members to live elsewhere.  I'll tell you what ...how about I surprise you?"

"Well, I guess that would be ok.  But remember - I am somewhat particular.  Are you sure you don't want to at least sneak a little peek at my list?"

"No, surprises are more fun!"

"Hmff ... I'll be the judge of that."

All day yesterday, I was in a fever of anticipation.  Mom had certainly appeared contrite the evening before.  And over the seven years we've been together, she has definitely surprised me with some lovely gifts, befitting my status of Calico Diva Extraordinaire.  With the added motivation of guilt, I was sure to get something really good this year.  Or so I thought. 

For my seventh birthday, as a reward for 2,555 days of love and companionship, I received ....


Yes, friends ... it's true.  Mom apparently thought that what I really wanted for my seventh birthday was a catnip plant.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I love catnip ... especially the fresh stuff.  I'm no teetotaler ... I love any excuse to get all nipped out and party.  But for a momentous occasion such as the seventh anniversary of my arrival on this planet?  I don't think so.  I'm still considering what I might possibly do to get even with her for this, and I don't think just puking in her slipper is going to do it.  It's gotta be really big.  Any suggestions are welcome. 



18 comments:

OKcats said...

Oh gosh, Miss Olivia, that's just ROTTEN that your Mom forgot your birthday! That catnip plant does look really nice, though... and it's more than we got on our birthdays last month. But, maybe just to show your displeasure with her, you can use the catnip plant to make a huge mess! Eat a few leaves, hork them up on the couch! Dig around in the pot and throw dirts all over! Have fun!

Oh, and happy belated birfday!

Your friends, Fuzzy and Zoe

Elizabeth said...

Hmm, well let's see Olivia, you could knock something off a shelf at 2 a.m. (making sure it's loud enough to wake mom) and then in the cover of darkness, smack it around all over the place like a pinball. Then, if you're lucky, Tucker will wake up and create a ruckus because he wants to join in the game. By that time, of course, mom will be in a foul mood because she has to get up and find you and your pinball in the dark....Do you see where this is going? Not that I have any experience or anything.

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

Olivia, we are sorry about the whole missing of the birthday and all. But if we were cats, we think we would be overjoyed with a catnip plant. We wish there were something like that for us pups.

Woos ~ Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

Admiral Hestorb said...

Tell you what Olivia...run full speed across her...bounding off her belleh at 3 AM. That ought to do it.

xoxox

Sagira said...

Oh my gosh, how could she forget YOUR birthday. Sounds like you should get a new gift all year long every day so she is sure never to forget again. :)

Old Kitty said...

Awww sweet and wondeful Olivia!!

Happy birthday!!! Yay!!!

Me and Charlie think that perhaps this wonderful nip plant is just the start of a very long list of yummy pressies your mum is going to surprise you with!! Yay!!

Take care
x

Ann said...

Forgot your birthday? Whoa, I feel really bad for you. You want me to come over there and maybe lift my leg on your moms slipper after you puke in it?
Your pal Duke

Cat Chat With Caren And Cody said...

Happy Belated Birthday Olivia!!!!! About your Mom missing it? I am pleading the fifth....

But...I do think you will enjoy the catnip plant...I truly do!

Terry said...

Here's a trick from my kitty - you could lick her eyelids when she's asleep, and she'll wake up really really fast!

houndstooth said...

Oh, no! What a foul and dastardly disappointment! My personal favorite revenge tactic is the poo in the shoe, but yacking up a big hairball on her pillow at, say 2:30 in the morning might also be a good start!

Bunny

sagechronicles said...

Hairballs, that's the answer--my kittehs totally agree with that! Dastardly.....

Two Pitties in the City said...

Once my cat puked in my shoe. I even put it on without socks. I thought the catnip plant was quite nice.

Kristin G. said...

Happy birthday Olivia! (Sorry it's a little late. Bad Mommy!) :)

Amber DaWeenie said...

Oh nose! Well, Happy Birfday, Olivia! Maybe Mom has a pressie hidden away for you somewhere.

Mr. Pip said...

How about a well positioned hairball right next to the bed so that when she stands up - SQUISH!

Your pal, Pip

Spitty-the-Kitty said...

Put the bitey on her. Yeah, the plant wasn't a BAD gift, but since she was late, there really should have been MORE, if you know what I mean. Fish things, beef things, really good toy things. Yeah, that might make up for the forgetfulness. You could extend your deadline a little, I guess. And then if she doesn't pony up for the good stuff, it's bitey time.

William said...

Poor Olivia. I hope your mom has a bit more for you! You know, my mom routinely forgets birthdays, even mine--and I am her favorite tiny boy!

Happy belated birthday, pretty girl!

Sue said...

We know how to make both Mom and Dad wake up really fast in the middle of the Night. We make that sound like we're going to vomit right next to the bed. They both jump up and start running around, then we go back to sleep.

Thanks for coming to visit us. There was a Chinese Crested, the naked type, in Tsar's obedience class and he fell in love with her. He couldn't keep his eyes off her and followed her all around.
Morgan, Tsar and the Porties