Greetings, all ...
It's me, Olivia. And I'll be honest - I'm extremely upset! Disgruntled. Miffed. And just plain hissed off.
Why, you ask? Well, let me share this conversation with you that Mom & I had on Monday night:
"Hey, Mom?"
"Yes?"
"You know, I was looking at the calendar today, and April 1st was Friday. Doesn't that mean you forgot my birthday?"
(At this point, Mom is looking distinctly nervous and uncomfortable.) "Um, no, sweetie. I didn't forget. It was an April Fool's joke. Didn't you think it was funny?"
"As a matter of fact, no, I didn't. Did you think it was funny the time I puked in your slipper? Well, same thing. I realize I don't wear slippers, but if I did, for all intents and purposes you would have puked in them. "
"You're right, I'm really sorry. I have no excuse. How can I make it up to you?"
"That's better. Well, I've been keeping a running list, but for starters, I'd like you to find another place for Tanner & Finn to live. I know you say they're my brothers, but we sure don't look anything alike, and even though sometimes they're ok, on the whole I think I'd be happier if they lived somewhere else and we visited them occasionally - like maybe once every nine lives or so."
"I can appreciate that they like to play more roughly than you do, but they're pretty good kids, and even if they weren't, you don't send your family members to live elsewhere. I'll tell you what ...how about I surprise you?"
"Well, I guess that would be ok. But remember - I am somewhat particular. Are you sure you don't want to at least sneak a little peek at my list?"
"No, surprises are more fun!"
"Hmff ... I'll be the judge of that."
All day yesterday, I was in a fever of anticipation. Mom had certainly appeared contrite the evening before. And over the seven years we've been together, she has definitely surprised me with some lovely gifts, befitting my status of Calico Diva Extraordinaire. With the added motivation of guilt, I was sure to get something really good this year. Or so I thought.
For my seventh birthday, as a reward for 2,555 days of love and companionship, I received ....
Yes, friends ... it's true. Mom apparently thought that what I really wanted for my seventh birthday was a catnip plant. Now, don't get me wrong. I love catnip ... especially the fresh stuff. I'm no teetotaler ... I love any excuse to get all nipped out and party. But for a momentous occasion such as the seventh anniversary of my arrival on this planet? I don't think so. I'm still considering what I might possibly do to get even with her for this, and I don't think just puking in her slipper is going to do it. It's gotta be really big. Any suggestions are welcome.
